Random Drabbles of Doom and Dookie
by slinko
Summary: The sequel to Random Drabbles of Doom and Pie. Joins the FMA dudes as they eat ignition gloves, pee on fire hydrants, destory Havocs house, and ,eventually, explode!
1. Chapter 1

_**HELLO!!! AND WELCOME TO THE SEQUEL OF RANDOM DRABBLES OF DOOM AND PIE!!!!! WOOT!!!**_

**ahh...here we are at the start of a glorious collection of FMA drabbles. Drabbles are a magical thing really. They teach us about life...and corn...but mostly about life. **

**Y'see, originally I wasn't going to make a sequel until I had the maximum number of chapters in "Random drabbles of doom and pie". But then I realized after I wrote chapter twenty that the fanfic had EXACTLY 3,333 words. Thinking that this was cool, I decided to complete the story and start a sequel. So here we are...at random drabbles of doom and dookie. :) :) :) :) :)**

* * *

Roy was looking out the window of his office. He grimaced. The window was filthy. So filthy, that he decided to clean it. No...On second thought...why should he CLEAN it when he can just get rid of the problem altogether? And so, Roy picked up his phone and called Riza Hawkeye.

Five minutes later, Riza walked in.

"What is it colonel?" she asked.

Akward silence.

"I want these windows to be removed." he said. Riza frowned.

"Then what will the gapping holes in the walls be replaced with?" she asked skeptically.

Roy turned around and looked at her seriously. **  
**

" Burritos with extra cheese" he responded.


	2. Roys gloves

Roy mustang was sitting in his office groaning. Mean ol Kind Bradley had stolen all his lunch money and now he had nothing to eat. Roy looked around for a source of protein. paper...paper...paper...sasuke...paper...ignition gloves...paper...paper...wait...

IGNITION GLOVES! Roy squeeled with delight and stuffed one of his ignition gloves in his mouth.

"mmmf!" he declared proudly.

Roy ate his entire glove.


	3. Ed gets angry

Edward Elric burst into roy mustangs office. He was very annoyed. In fact, he was so annoyed that he wanted to kill somebody. Why was he annoyed you might ask? I really have no idea. As author of this story, I should know. But I don't that just proves how irresponsibly stupid I really am. In fact, If i was any stupider, I would probably defy the laws of physics. Pathetic no? But enough about me. Tell me about yourself.

Ed walked straight up to roy and looked him in the eye. He whipped out a piece of paper and shoved it in Roys face.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS PIECE OF CRAPPY SHIT?!" he yelled. Roy frowned and stopped chewing on his glove.

"That looks like a picture of a sheep." he clarified.

"Oh." said Ed.

"bye" said roy.

"bye" said ed.

* * *

**How exciting.**


	4. Rizas plank of wood

Riza hawkeye began to saw a piece of wood off of Jean Havoc's wall.

Nobody knew why she was doing this. And whenever anybody asked, she just responded by saying "Mur".

Riza finished sawing off a plank of wood. She lifted it up and walked over to Roy. Riza blushed.

"Um...Roy...I ...um...I have a gift for you..." she mumbled turning bright red. Roy looked up from his paperwork which he was not doing.

"What is it?" He asked, not noticing the plank.

"I...I got you a plank of wood..." She said nervously. Roy grinned.

"how did you know?!" he said cheerfully.

They kissed romantically.


	5. A very boring day at HQ

**Disclaimer: Ideas haven't been coming to me lately ever since i moved to Arizona :(**

* * *

It was a boring day and Roy was poking Riza with a stick while Kain fuery sipped some cheery soda.

"Poke..." he mumbled lazily.

"Don't..." she told him lazily.

"Bleh" they both said at the same time.

Just then, Edward elric ran over.

"Hey guys! Guess what! Al just fit an entire jar of pickles into his mouth!" Ed exclaimed. Everybody gasped and ran over to Al, whom had managed to fit an entire jar of pickles into his mouth. Minus the jar itself.

"Mrrrf!" he exclaimed.

Everyone laughed and Al brought about world peace by fitting a jar of pickles into his mouth.

Sadly, everybody forgot about it the very next day.


	6. In memoriam of Maes Hughes

**Fullmetal alchemist!!!! It pwns.**

**disclaimer: moop**

* * *

Roy was looking out the window. It was raining. It seemed just like the day that his best friend, Maes Hughes had passed away to the great taquito in the sky.

Warm tears streamed down roys face. He opened his mouth as wide as he possibly could.

"WAAAAAAAAH!" he cried. Riza ran in the office.

"sir?! What's wrong?! I heard a scream!" she said. Roy turned around and looked at her with a fwony pouty face.

"WAAA." he waahed. Riza lifted an eyebrow.

"What...?"

"Maes is dead. " he sobbed. Riza rolled her eyes.

"Roy, It's been 80 years. Get over it for christs sake"

"okay. Lets go get some smoothies." roy suggested

"Okay" riza responded. And they both frogot about Maes's death. Well, maes didn't take this to well and then he decided to haunt them both for the rest of their lives.

* * *

**blagblagblag!**


	7. Dorochet makes an appearence!

**i'm such an idiot XD

* * *

**

One day Dorochet saw a fire-hydrant.

"I have to go to the bathroom." he said, and he began to pee on the fire hydrant.

"hey," said a police man, "You're not allowed to do that!"

"Up yours!" said Dorochet, and he ate him.

* * *

**the end**

* * *


	8. a horrifying discovery

**Todays chapter is brought to you by the letter Q.

* * *

**

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Kain looked up. He gasped.

"Colonel! Look at all those Q's above us!" he said, pointing up. Roy gasped.

"What the hell?!? who put those there?!" he asked.

"I don't know! I just noticed them myself!"

Roy frowned and poked one of the Q's. IT immedietly turned into a lowercase Q. Now the Q's looked like this:

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQqQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

Roy and Kain gasped. They looked at eachother for a few seconds, and then ran away screaming.

Later on in the day, Breda found the Q's.

"Whoa." he commented, and he then shot them all down.

All the Q's died.


	9. The haunting

**disclaimer: I make no sense**

* * *

Roy was sitting in a cardboard box pretending to be an astronaut like he always did.

"WHOOSH" he said, throwing his arms into the air. (insert arm-throwing joke here)

When suddenly, Maes Hughes slowly apeared inn front of the cardboard box.

"ROOOY! ROOOOY! ROOOOY!" he moaned.

"Hi maes." said roy.

"Hi," said Maes," I'm here to haunt you."

"Oh." said roy, and he took out a piece of garlic that he kept in his pocket.

"will this repel you?" he asked. Maes shook his head.

"No. Only Kain is repelled by that stuff."

"okay...um...alright you can haunt me. But only If you give me one free wish."

Maes thought about this for a moment. 

"hmmm...okay! But you can't wish for me to leave you alone." he ordered. Roy smiled.

"deal!," he said, and they shook hands.

"now whadda ya wanna wish for?" asked Maes. Roy grinned widely.

"I wish I had my very own rocket so i could go to the moon!!" he exclaimed.

And it was so.

* * *


	10. The return of it!

**I got a FillerBunny figure!!! XXXDDDD It rocks!!!! I keep it right by my computer and watch it suffer when I'm bored. :)**

* * *

Envy sighed. He was the only person who didn't beilieve it. Everyone hated him for not beilieving it. Not even Lust would talk to him. Heck, not even GLUTTONY would talk to him. All because he didn't believe it. Envy tried to beilieve it. But he couldn't. It just seemed so untrue to him. Everyone else said that it was true, but Envy knew that it was absoulute bull. All of it. Envy sighed again and walked away.

* * *


	11. Ed tries to kill Roy

**I'M LISTENTING TO FMA THEME SONGS**

* * *

ED ran over to Roy and held his arm up to the colonels neck.

"GIVE ME MUFFINS OR I'LL SLIT YOUR FILTHY THROAT!" he demanded. Roy frowned.

"You forgot to transmute your arm into a blade, Ed." Roy pointed out. Ed looked at his arm.

"Oh"

"And anyways, that's the wrong arm"

"..."

"But if you really want a fight, then how could I decline?" said roy, and he torched him.

Meanwhile somewhere not in a human colon, Winry felt a pain in her heart.

"SOMEONE JUST BURNT MY PERFECT AUTOMAIL!!" she cried.

"There there" said Pinako.


	12. The Jacuzzi

**I'M LISTENING TO FMA AMVS!!!!**

**

* * *

**

Roy mustang walked into his office to see a strange site of strangeness.

There, in the middle of the room, was Riza Hawkeye drinking a martini inside of his jacuzzi. Havoc and Kain were also there drinking martinis. Roy grinned and ripped off his clothes to reveil his bright pink swimtrunks.

Roy jumped in the air above the jacuzzi, but Riza told him to stop. And he did. In midair.

"But riza...why?" he whined. Riza scoffed whatever that means.

"Because Roy! Just Because!" she explained angrily.

Roy landed on the floor and began throwing a tantrum.

"WEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cried pathetically. Riza turned to Havoc and Kain.

"Havoc, Kain, point and laugh at him" She said.

And they did.


	13. the thing

**disclaimer: your momma is a zoidberg!

* * *

** Roy mustang and King Bradley were going a meeting of important peoples. It was to discuss what to do about all the koalas that Havoc kept teaching to play shuffleboard. Roy sighed. Stupid Havoc. Didn't he realize that Koalas weren't MEANT to play shuffleboard?

Pride grapped roy by da ear and dragged him into his car.

"Come on mustang. Since your drivers licsence had been suspended, I'm going to have to take you to this...thing." he grumbled. Roy made a pouty face and stuck his tongue out.

After a while of being stuck in traffic, Roy started to get rather bored. He smiled at The Fuhrer.

"Poke!" he proclaimed, poking him in the eye. Bradley swore and hit him with a lead pipe.

Five minutes later...

"OH MY GOD! FUHRER! LOOK!" Roy screamed, pointing out the window. Bradley quickly looked out.

"What is it Mustang?!" he asked.

"TACO BELL! OMG LETS GO TO TAAAAAACO BELL! TAAAAACOBELL! I WAANA GO TA TAAAAACO BELL! I WANNA! TACOOOOBELL! EEEHHH!" he complauned. This complaining continued until Edward Elric acidentally ran over Donald Duck. Bradly and Roy gasped and ran over to where Donald Duck layed dying. Eds eyes were filling with tears.

"oh my god...i killed him..." he whispered. Roy checked Donald Ducks pulse.

"He's not gonna make it..." Roy told Ed. Ed burst into tears.

"(something incoherant)" said Donald Duck.

Bradley rolled his eyes.

"Oh for the sake of mustard! Can we please get back to going to the thing?" he complained.

"yeah okay." said Roy, and they got in the Car and drove away.

Ed looked left and then right to make absoulutly sure that he was alone.

He was.

He checked Donald Ducks pulse. He was about to die. Now was the time.

"Donald...I love you." Ed whispered into his ear.

They kissed romantically.

* * *

**hmm! That sure is interesting.**


	14. youtube

**SNAZZLEFRAZZINGMINGLEMOHAMPSON!**

Otherwise known as the latest chapter.

Of course once I type the next chapter, you'll think I'm a fool when you read this so...

AAAUGH.

* * *

Edward Elric knocked on the door to Roys house. 

While he was waiting for Roy to answer, Ed scratched his butt and looked at a creepy lawn gnome that was smiling evilly at him.

Ed began to whistle nervously. Every few seconds he would glance at the Lawn gnome to see if it was still there.

It always was.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity (I'M SO CREATIVE WITH ME WORDIN' YO) Roy finally answered the door.

"What do you want Ed?" Roy asked. Ed put one hand on his hip (which made him look gay) and held a paper out to Roy.

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!??!" Ed yelled. Roy lifted an eyebrow and read the paper.

"Oh...my...GOD! YOUTUBE IS TAKING ALL AMVS OFF OF YOUTUBE ON DECEMBER FIRST! HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO US?!?!" the colonel shreiked.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"HOW WILL WE WATCH SAILOR MOON VIDEOS?!" Roy screamed.

"I'M SCARED ROY!" Ed cried.

"Do you want a hug?"

"Sniff...yes..."

Roy hugged him and took his wallet while doing so. Ed, being Ed, did not notice.

"Don't worry Ed..because I have good news" Roy said. Ed looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

"Whuh whuh say whuh?" He sobbed.

"Edward, I have no clue as to what you just said. But quite frankly, I could care less. But never fear! Even if all Amvs ARE taken off of youtube, we still have one last thing to entertain us!!"

"Whussat?"

"Fanfiction Edward...fanfiction." roy whispered.

* * *

**I'M DEAD SERIOUS. ALL AMVS ARE BEING REMOVED ON THE FIRST OF DECEMBER. D:************

* * *

**


	15. TAKE IT OFF

* * *

**...I leave fanfiction for like one month and then SUDDENLY all my documents are gone!!!!!! WHY GOD?!?!? WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?**

* * *

Edward Elric was walking around Centrel HQ not doing anything particularly interesting. He yawned and walked up to the fuhrers office door. He took out a piece of paper and was about to write "A homunculus lives here" on it when he heard something very strange. 

"So Colonel Mustang, How's it look?" Came the fuhrers voice. Edward, being the snoop he was, pressed his ear up against the door.

"It looks _great_!" said Roys voice

"So Mustang...Should I..._Take it off_?"

" Oh Take if OFF fuhrer! Take it OFF! Pleeeeeease!"

"Okay Mustang..._It's off" _

_"oooooh!_ Wonderful!..._Keep it off! KEEP IT OFF!"_

"Oh mustang!"

"Oh fuhrer!"

"...Take _yours_ off Mustang."

"With PLEASURE!"

There was a ripping sound.

Edwards eyes twitched and he ran away screaming.

Meanwhile at Al...

Ed ran over to Al and began to cry into his shoulder.

"Ha. You're pathetic" Al said.

* * *

**He took it off!**


	16. Crabs

Roy mustang walked into his office to see a strange site of strangeness.

There, in the middle of the room, was Riza Hawkeye drinking a martini inside of his jacuzzi. Havoc and Kain were also there drinking martinis. Roy grinned and ripped off his clothes to reveil his bright pink swimtrunks.

Roy jumped in the air above the jacuzzi, but Riza told him to stop. And he did. In midair.

"But riza...why?" he whined. Riza scoffed whatever that means.

"Because Roy, You have Crabs!"

* * *


End file.
